I’ve got a list of 30+ awesome first date questions. This is perfect for anyone who has a hard time figuring out what to talk about on the first date.
If you’re a demisexual who wants to have a physical and romantic relationship, chances are you’ll find yourself on a first date, at some point in your life.
The mere act of dating and putting yourself out there is awesome. It’s such a confidence boost to realize someone is interested in you. You’re probably full of hope and nervousness.
That’s totally normal, you want the date to go well! Heck, I want the date to go well for you. It’s a lot of pressure, isn’t it?
Dates are a fine art. Particularly for people like us who need an emotional connection before we want to take the relationship further. We want to find out as much as we can, without being rude, invasive and overwhelming our date.
Then we have the added pressure of not talking about ourselves too much. Oh my goodness, I have to remember all that while trying to smile and make appropriate eye contact. It’s a recipe for disaster.
Hopefully you’re all less awkward than I am!
No worries if you’re not. Send me a message and we can share our cringe-worthy tales.
I think even more than the pressure I know we all put on ourselves, first dates are challenging because there are so many factors we can’t control.
We can’t control the weather, those co-workers who show up at the same restaurant and decide to join your table, any number of other things that can go wrong.
But, we can absolutely control our actions and our reactions to the actions of other people. Which means we can control the words that leave our mouths.
What to Expect from a First Date
First things first, because I know for sure I’m not the only person who stresses about this, but first dates are about more than the first kiss.
What Should You Learn on a First Date
Are you out with a psychopath, a serial killer? Are you their latest target?
Do you feel safe, comfortable, valued? Or manipulated and intimidated?
Can you see yourself being attracted to this person at some point in the future?
What are you talking about? Can you talk to them about a variety of topics? More importantly, do you enjoy talking to them?
Do they have an axe to grind? Do they keep talking about their ex or others who have hurt them?
Are you having fun? Can you see yourself having fun on the next date?
Do you think they’re just looking to get physical?
First dates are all about getting to know each other, finding out if your interests align and seeing if you’re both looking for the same things.
For a demisexual, one of the biggest things might be their willingness (perceived or actual) to get to know each other before taking things further. Can you enjoy each other’s company without sexual contact.
Remember it’s not all about racing to the bedroom or even the first kiss. It’s ok to take the time to get to know the person you’re with before things get physical at all.
Why you Need a List of Questions to Ask on a First Date
One of the biggest things I worry about on a first (or any other) date is what to talk about. Small talk will only get you so far.
So, like the super organized, slightly anxious, and incredibly awkward person I am, I’ve made a list of questions that are not only appropriate to ask on a first date but will also ignite discussion.
Because I know I can’t be the only person who finds first dates intimidating, I’ve decided to share my list with you.
These questions aren’t meant to unearth any deep, dark secrets. The goal here is to get to know the person well enough to decide if you would like to plan a second date or not.
Questions to Ask on a First Date
*** These questions aren’t in any particular order.
Get to Know You Questions
What do you do for fun?
This is a great way to find out what their interested in. What do they do for fun? Perhaps there is something you can do together.
What do you do for your birthday? (when is it?)
This is just good to know. Plus if they’re birthday is coming up in the near future you should know if they would appreciate being told happy birthday, or receiving a small gift.
What are you good at?
I always try to focus on the positives when I meet someone because whether we meet again or not, I would like them to leave feeling better than when they showed up. Plus, there is something so wonderful about seeing how alive people get when they talk about things they excel at.
Is there anything you would like to learn how to do?
Depending on their answer, and how the it goes this just might give you ideas for future date ideas. This is more about self awareness than anything else, it’s important to recognize that we can’t all be good at everything and there is always room for improvement.
You have absolutely no commitments for a whole day, what do you do?
This is a great way to see not only what makes them happy, but if you’re compatible. Whether the person is a social butterfly, prefers their own company or falls somewhere in between. Can you imagine enjoying a day like that with them at some point in the future.
Is there anything about your life that you really want to change?
Firstly, this is a great way to see if they’re a positive or negative person overall. We all have things we want to change, but if their list seems to go on forever and includes a lot of trivial things you might have to consider whether you can handle that.
Secondly, especially for demisexuals, this question can help you decide whether to put the effort into building an emotional connection. For example, if they tell you they really want to move several hundred miles away, that’s obviously going to complicate things.
What’s something that you’re really proud of?
Remember to keep things positive. Do not follow this question up by asking what their biggest disappointment was. Their answer will help you determine what they consider important – is it money, power and prestige? Acts of selflessness or learning a new and challenging skill?
Chances are they will enjoy talking about this so if you’re feeling a bit worn out or worried that you’ve talked too much, this is a wonderful question to ask.
Tell me about your perfect day.
If there’s a possibility that you may be spending a lot of time with this person, you’re going to want to know they prefer to spend their time. Are they dominantly introverted or extroverted and how does that fit in with your preferences or desires?
What do you do for work and do you like it?
Not only does this tell you how they spend the bulk of their time, but it will tell you if they’re a negative or positive person in general. It’s a sad fact that most people don’t love their job, but it’s very telling if they can’t find anything positive in it.
Fun Questions to ask on a First Date
What would you do if you didn’t have to work for money?
This question is always so much fun to talk about. It’s also a great way to determine what’s important to your potential partner.
How do you fill your free time?
You want to learn about what’s important to them and the things we choose to do in our free time are very telling in regards to our priorities and our approach to life.
Are you an early bird or a night owl?
What do they like about that particular time of day?
Introvert, extrovert, ambivert?
It’s not as though there is a wrong answer to this question but it’s good to know how they rechange and what drains their energy more than anything else.
What do you do when you need to unwind?
This likely includes those activities that we only do some of the time. What do they do to calm themselves down before a stressful, unpleasant but necessary thing or after a terrible day at work?
Are you more of an indoors or outdoors person?
Some people feel very strongly about their indoor/ outdoor preferences. Really listen to what they’re telling you. Could they survive a few hours without wifi? Could you!
What would you do if you didn’t have to work for money?
This question is always so much fun to talk about. It’s also a great way to determine what’s important to your potential partner.
Why are you closest with right now? How have they influenced the person you are?
I always find it fascinating to hear what really sticks out in people’s mind. There are so many amazing reasons why someone has made an impact in an individual’s life.
What’s your family like? Parents, siblings, extended family, pets?
While this is a great question and it is an important discussion to have before things get too serious. Pay attention to your date. If they smile and their eyes light up let them go on as long as they want. But if it seems like a touchy subject, be prepared to give them an out.
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go, and why?
This is always a fun discussion. Do you have this in common or are you very different with regards to your travel desires and priorities? Wouldn’t it be neat to find out you both dream of going to the same place, or even that you want to go to different places for the same reason?
Do you have any pets? Do you plan to?
While not insurmountable, if your date has a cat and you’re seriously allergic that’s going to make the relationship difficult to maintain. Likewise, if you both love animals, but your apartments don’t allow them you can plan dates volunteering at the animal shelter.
Do you like camping – shopping – amusement parks (anything you really enjoy doing)?
In a relationship it’s important to have similar interests. If you’re favorite past time is something they hate or actively avoid, it might be best to learn this early on in the relationship.
Do you ever have friendly discussions or debates on controversial subjects?
This is one where you have to decide what’s important to you. While I wouldn’t dream of addressing any of those controversial topics on a first date, I want someone who won’t be afraid to passionately disagree with me. It should go without saying that I expect them to be reasonable and rational, even if we disagree.
What are you goals for the next three to five years?
It’s always wonderful to listen to someone talk about what’s important to them. If something is big enough to take a number of years to accomplish it’s obviously important to them.
Funny First Date Questions
These questions are perfect if the mood has gotten a bit heavy and you want to lighten it up a bit. You can have fun, possibly share a few laughs and maybe even flirt a bit at the same time.
What’s the dumbest way you’ve been injured?
Silly accidents happen to us all. As much as they hurt, at least we get a good story out of it.
What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis?
There is always something. I constantly say “you too” when the barista tells me to enjoy my coffee… anyone else?
What makes you feel old?
An especially telling answer once you get to my age where you’re straddling the line between young and old.
Are there any weird food combinations that you really enjoy?
Who doesn’t love food? If you’re adventurous you just might find a new favorite.
Dinosaurs or Dragons?
This can turn into a lively debate if handled right. Who knew people were so passionate in their dinosaur vs. dragon preferences.
What is your most embarrassing childhood memory?
Everyone has that moment that sticks with them no matter how many years it’s been. Share yours in the comments. 😉
If you had a warning label what would yours say?
Be sure to heed their warning as funny as it may be there’s probably a bit of truth to it.
Would you ever let your parents pick out a partner for you?
This is an interesting way to get to know about what they like as well as their relationship with their family.
When you think back on your life, what makes you say “what was I thinking”?
Now is as good a time as any to talk about your emo phase or your obsession with becoming the next Spice Girl.
What do people do that drives you absolutely bonkers?
We all have little things we can’t stand when people do, and people do them surprisingly often, don’t they?
A Demisexual Specific Question
This sometimes seems like a very demisexual specific thing. But the chances of getting physical after the first date are pretty much zero. That emotional connection doesn’t happen right away. After more awkward and uncomfortable goodbyes than I care to count I’ve learnt to bring it up.
I don’t even mention the word demisexual before getting to know someone. That just feels too personal but I usually say something like:
If I told you the date won’t end with anything physical, would you still want to go out with me?
This gives them an opportunity to back out if they so desire. It also happens before there has been too much time or money invested. It will let them know exactly where you stand and allow you to relax for the rest of the date without worrying about their expectations.
If things go well you can explain further on date 2 or 3.
Topics to Avoid on a First Date
In most cases, I’m of the opinion that all conversation is good conversation but there is a lot hanging on first dates for demisexuals. This means we have to be a bit more careful about what we ask.
To be totally honest, I would be pretty put off having these questions asked of me too early in a relationship.
This is not to say you shouldn’t ever ask these questions, but it might be a good idea to get to know the person a bit first before bringing up these topics.
Politics: How they voted in the last election, how they’re planning to vote, if it can be changed
Relationship History: Ex-partners, past dates, etc.
Money: Their credit rating, income, debt, etc.
Kids: Do they have children? Want them in the future – this is certainly a conversation for the relationship but after there’s the possibility of commitment.
Sex: Number of partners, turn ons, fetishes….
Commitment: Living together, children, marriage, the distant future…
What Happens after the Date?
If things went well
Hopefully you went on a date and it didn’t suck, congratulations!
With any luck, you both feel the same way and you can now look forward to the second date.
The best part, and this will be a relief for all the demisexuals out there, is that you don’t have to touch each other at all to plan the second date.
If things didn’t go so well
The other option is a situation where one or both of you decide a second date isn’t in the cards. This isn’t a bad thing. It doesn’t mean the date was a failure, or that either of you did something wrong.
It means there are better people out there for the two of you. Maybe you’ll stay friends, maybe you won’t. Both options are acceptable.
What is important here is to learn as much as we can for our next first date. Don’t let one negative or neutral experience hold you back and keep you from finding that elusive emotional connection.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
In Conclusion
Dating is hard. It can be exhausting, frustrating and it time it just might not feel worth it.
The goal of these questions are to help you have some readily available conversation starters you can draw upon when necessary.
This is far from an extensive list, they aren’t the only (or even the best) things to talk about on a first date.
Communication is a skill we can improve while on dates, whether they go well or not. This skill will benefit us in all aspects of our personal and professional life.
What are your favorite first date questions? Are there any questions you like to ask or be asked on a first date?
