Do Demisexuals Masturbate?

Do Demisexuals Masturbate?

Do demisexuals masturbate?

The short answer is probably, thank you for asking.

However, you deserve a better answer than that. For such a short question, the answer sure is complicated. But I’ll do my best to explain it all.

What is a Demisexual?

First things first, if we’re going to talk about demisexuality and masturbating we need to make sure we’re on the same page.

A demisexual is a person who feels sexual attraction only after the formation of an emotional connection. They can be gay, straight, bi, pan, trans… this identity refers to the conditions under which sexual attraction develops not who the attraction is directed towards.

It’s important to remember while sexual attraction requires an emotional connection, an emotional connection does not mean there is sexual attraction.

Demisexuality falls under the umbrella of asexuality. Which means in most circumstances (in the absence of an emotional connection) a demisexual will not feel sexual attraction. With that said, some demisexuals feel sexually attracted to many if not all of their friends others only experience sexual attraction to a handful of people in their life.

Demisexuals and Sex (in general)

Generally speaking, we can divide peoples outlook on sex and sexual activity into three categories:

Sex-repulsed: People who fall into this category may dislike sex and thoughts of sex. They have no desire to have it. For a demisexual these feelings might present very strongly in the absence of a strong emotional connection.

Sex-indifferent: These people generally don’t care one way or the other. They may not be put off by the idea of sex and sexual touches but they’re not seeking them out either. It’s certainly likely for a demisexual to fall into the category in the absence of an emotional connection.

Sex-favorable: Those who fall into this category see sex in a very positive light. They desire sex and enjoy it. While this may sound inconsistent with being a demisexual, there’s no reason for us not to enjoy sex. In fact, in the presence of an intense emotional connection and sexual attraction, many of us do indeed crave and desire physical intimacy.

Regardless of which category a person falls into, it doesn’t mean they can’t, won’t or don’t want to masturbate. These categories aren’t set in stone and I’m sure we’ve all moved between a couple of them at least a few times in out lives based on the situation and circumstances (ie. the presence of an emotional connection).

Demisexuals and Masturbation

For the purposes of writing this article, I’m going to assume that we all know what masturbation is.

Masturbation is a healthy and normal part of life for those who do it. Demisexual people, whether they identify as asexual, graysexual, or allosexual may masturbate. Some may think of it as a rare treat, others may identify it as a critical part of their self care routine.

The argument can be made that self-love is almost more important for demisexuals than it is for the average person. Firstly, because you will never find a stronger emotional bond than you have with yourself.

Secondly, demisexuals in general, aren’t likely to scratch this itch with a stranger or even an acquaintance. This means we have to take it upon ourselves to get comfortable, explore and figure out our likes and dislikes.

Every person, demisexual or not, is unique. It’s up to us all to choose the sexual acts that we’re comfortable with and take part in. Like anyone else, a demisexual might even get joy and pleasure from it! There is no shame in it, after all pleasure is pretty much the goal, isn’t it?

What one demisexual enjoys, another may not, and that’s alright. Masturbation, like all other things in the sexual realm is a personal choice.  We all have needs and we all address them differently.

Do what you’re comfortable with in a way you’re comfortable with, this truly is no one’s business but your own.

What do demisexuals masturbate to?

I just want to take a quick moment to stress one really important thing that I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about masturbation especially in regards to demisexuals without addressing. Fantasies aren’t necessarily grounded in reality. Just because something turns a person on in the privacy of their own mind or internet browser does not mean it would turn them on in real life.

A concrete answer to this question isn’t as easy as one might think. Masturbation, even in our hyper-sexualized society is still considered taboo and something that’s not meant to be brought up in polite conversation. Which means researching this post wasn’t as easy as posting a poll on Twitter.

As we all know, emotional connection is the key to a demisexuals’ sexual desire. Which means it would make sense for fantasies to involve an emotional bond between the two people – be it real or perceived.

Their own thoughts and fantasies

Demisexuals experience attraction differently than most people. They’re unlikely to have crushes on celebrities, no matter how good looking they are. They are also unlikely to experience sexual attraction to anyone based solely on their physical appearance.

While demisexuals aren’t blind and can appreciate good looks, they have no desire to do anything more than look. It take more than a good body to interest them, they need an emotional connection.

One interesting thing I’ve noticed is while demisexuals are unlikely to find themselves crushing on a celebrity, they may find themselves with a crush on a fictional character played by that celebrity if they felt a connection with them on an emotional level.

They may even find themselves with a crush on a character they read about in a book. Has anyone ever heard the term book-boyfriend?

This, in my opinion seems like a uniquely demisexual problem. However it has the potential to provide great material for masturbation.

Since we don’t often find ourselves attracted to random people, masturbation allowes the chance to fantasize. Those fantasies can be about anything and everything – including the amazing connection they would love to find with someone. There no room for shame here.

Masturbation is a safe and pressure free way to relieve sexual tension without the pressure and vulnerablity of involving another person.


If it exists, there’s porn for it. If you’ve ever browsed around those adult websites (for science, obviously) you know there is something for everyone no matter how particular your tastes.

We know that being demisexual means sexual attraction happens after an emotional connection. Believe it or not, there is porn created to showcase the emotional connection between the people.

With that said, just because a person is demisexual doesn’t mean they aren’t interested in other things. Porn is a great way to explore kinks, fetishes and anything else you may be interested in in a safe and healthy way.

Perhaps the situation is a turn on. It’s certainly possible for an intense emotional connection to develop when two people are snowed in or stuck in an elevator together, for example.

The key here is your enjoyment and comfort. As long as you’re comfortable with what you’re doing and how your doing it, you don’t have any obligation what so ever to explain it to anyone else.


We live in a world where our imaginations aren’t as good as they once were. Frankly, we just don’t need to rely on them as much anymore.

However, watching porn doesn’t do it for everyone. Erotic stories are a great middle ground between porn and the imagination. You have the freedom to imagine the other person and your dream partner, you can set the scene however you want…

Like porn, erotica exists for pretty much every sexual fetish, desire and inclination. There’s no shame in exploring.

Can demisexuals masturbate using toys?

Why not? Like everybody else, the use to toys is a personal choice for demisexuals but there is no reason they shouldn’t or couldn’t include toys if they had the desire.

There is no shame in experimenting and getting to know yourself better.

How often do demisexuals masturbate?

As frequently or rarely as they so desire. There’s no rules here and everyone is different, whether demisexual or not.

Being demisexual, even if it is often likened to asexuality, does not preclude any person for having or exploring sexual desires. The truth is, there is little difference between demisexuals and anyone else in this regard. Libido gets higher and lower based on a number of factors.

The important part is that you’re comfortable with what your doing and how often you do it.

In Conclusion

When it comes to masturbation, demisexuals aren’t all that different from anybody else. Some of us masturbate, some of us don’t. It’s no one’s  business but our own. You do you, enjoy yourself and don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about it.

There is no shame in masturbating and knowing yourself so intimately well can on be beneficial if you find yourself in a situation where you want to explore those same things with someone else.

Do demisexuals masturbate?

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