Let’s get the potentially controversial facts about being demisexual out of the way first:
- Demisexual is a legitimate sexual orientation found on the asexual spectrum.
- Demisexuality is inherently LGBT.
- It’s enough to “just” be demisexual.
What does it mean to be demisexual?
The one and only requirement for being demisexual that a person doesn’t experience sexual attraction without an emotional connection.
That’s it, that’s all. It actually is that simple.
In the absence of an emotional bond, there is no sexual attraction. A demisexual isn’t practicing abstinence or celibacy, they aren’t waiting until a relationship progresses past a certain arbitrary point to act on their physical attraction – it just no attraction.
This is something I’ve discussed a lot on here. We’re fortunate to live in a time where we have the vocabulary to be very specific about our romantic and sexual orientation.
It’s absolutely valid to be as specific as you want to be about your sexual and romantic attractions.
Remember, your labels are your choice. It’s up to you how specific you want to be with the world and people around you.
It’s entirely valid to be attracted to only one, any or all genders in either a sexual or romantic way. It’s also valid to express that attraction in whatever way you feel most comfortable.
Can I just be demisexual?
Despite our ability to be incredibly specific, it’s okay not to be.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t have an obligation to answer invasive questions.
Demisexual is enough on its own.
When you say you’re demisexual, what you’re telling people is that you don’t experience sexual attraction until you’ve established an emotional connection.
It’s enough on its own. Choosing to identify as demisexual with no further qualifiers is a very personal choice that someone may make for many reasons.
Why would someone choose to just be demisexual?
No reason is better than another. Sexual and romantic identities are unique and individual. There is no right way to experience or express attraction.
They’re not sure.
When your attraction is based on an emotional connection – and not every emotional connection leads to attraction – it’s hard to understand. Sometimes the object of your attraction can be a surprise to you and everyone in your life.
Many people on the asexual spectrum once identified as pan or bisexual. Not because they were necessarily attracted to more than one gender, but because they were equally unattracted to each gender.
It’s none of your business.
For real, no one owes you an explanation of anything, especially not something as personal as their sexual identity and experience with attraction.
Unless they direct their attraction your way, there’s no real reason you need to know all the nitty-gritty details. And even then, it’s still not super relevant.
How specific someone chooses to be about their sexual orientation is entirely up to them. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
The way a person expresses themselves and their sexual orientation is entirely up to them and valid whether or not it makes sense to anyone else.