Am I demisexual or bisexual? Can I be both?

Can I be Bisexual and Demisexual at the same time?

Can you be bisexual and demisexual at the same time? A complicated question with an equally complicated answer.

Human sexuality is a complicated subject. Over the last few years the vocabulary we use to describe the people we’re attracted to and the situations we experience attraction in have has grown a lot.

We are now living in a time where we have words to specifically describe several sexual attractions and preferences. As wonderful as the new and inclusive language is, it can also be confusing.

When we’re talking about sexuality, it is sometimes useful to distinguish between behavior, attraction and identity.

It’s also important to remember that the labels we use can change over time and across situations.

What is Demisexuality?

Demisexuality is one word we can use to describe the situations or circumstances under which a person experiences sexual attraction.

To put it simply, demisexuality is a sexual preference where the emotional connection comes before sexual attraction.

While every emotional bond doesn’t lead to sexual attraction, every instance of sexual attraction starts with an emotional bond.

Because it is so rare for a demisexual to experience sexual attraction or desire, it’s not unheard of for them to but put under the label of asexuality. However, this label fits about as well as the other labels we try to place upon ourselves and leads to years of confusion and frustration.

The easy answer is to say an emotional connection is a mandatory precursor to sexual attraction, and we all know how difficult and rare it is to develop a meaningful emotional connection, a demisexual may seem to have much less interest in sexual activity than the general population.

When a demisexual has a crush or feels attraction to somebody, it’s a big deal!

What is Bisexuality?

Bisexuality describes the genders a person feels an attraction toward.

According to the Oxford Dictionary,  bisexuality is the quality characteristic of being sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender.

As with everything else related to sexuality, bisexuality is unique and complicated to explain and the experience is different for everyone.

Can I be Bisexual and Demisexual at the same time?

The short answer is: YES, absolutely.

Demisexuality refers to the circumstances under which a person feels sexual attraction and doesn’t offer any stipulation for the gender of the person they’re attracted to.

As a sexual orientation, demisexuality is a testament to the emotional bond between the demisexual and the object of their attraction. It’s valid to add a label describing the gender orientation of your attraction.

You absolutely can be demisexual and bisexual at the same time.

Choose the label/ labels that fit you and your current situation. As we learn more about ourselves and others around us, our labels may very well change and that’s ok. Be as specific as you want to or feel comfortable being.

The Bi-Demisexual or Demi-bisexual …

So, what does it look like if someone is bisexual and demisexual at the same time?

Chances are it’s not all that difference from any other bisexual or demisexual you know. A bi-demisexual does not experience attraction exclusively to people of any gender. They will, however, experience attraction to people only after an emotional bond has formed.

The bisexual demisexual - can i be both at the same time?

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4 thoughts on “Can I be Bisexual and Demisexual at the same time?”

  1. I’m pretty sure I’m both because sex is not important to me, and it sometimes takes me a while to want to have sex with the person, but it’s only if I know them. And I’m for sure Bi cause I know I like girls and guys. so I think I’m Demi-Bisexual.

  2. I had always known I was demisexual and I finally realized I liked both males and females when I was in 6th grade and there was no other explanation as to how and why I liked my boy best friend who I formed a strong emotional and intellectual connection with and my girl best friend who I also formed a strong emotional connection with.

  3. I always knew I was LGBT+ from the moment I got in middle school. In highschool, I came out an masc nonbinary. I’m 20 now and just realized I’m bisexual. My partner also explained Demisexual to me, and that fits me so well! So I’ve finally come to the conversation that I’m Bi-Demisexual ❤️

    1. I’m so happy to hear you’ve found a label that fits! It’s always such an emotional journey figuring out who we are and how best to share those parts of ourselves with the world.

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